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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23237488">Sorry You Had It Rough (Sorry I'm Not Enough)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stubbornness_and_Spite/pseuds/Stubbornness_and_Spite'>Stubbornness_and_Spite</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek &amp; Paul/Levenson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Background So Big/So Small, Gen, I guess you could, I wrote it platonic, Jared Kleinman Centric, Post-Song: Good for You (Dear Evan Hansen), Pre-Relationship, They need to get their shit together first, Unrequited Love, but if you wanted to read it as, details in end notes, mention of self-harm, potentially unrequited or pre-romantic Kleinsen, rated T for Jared's mouth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:48:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,861</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23237488</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stubbornness_and_Spite/pseuds/Stubbornness_and_Spite</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>So you found a place where the grass is greener<br/>And you jumped the fence to the other side<br/>Is it good?</p><p>Think I could follow? <br/>Would you hate me if I tried?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alana Beck &amp; Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen &amp; Jared Kleinman, Heidi Hansen &amp; Jared Kleinman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sorry You Had It Rough (Sorry I'm Not Enough)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Description of Trigger Warnings in End Notes<br/>Warning: non-descript mention of potential self-harm</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Heidi’s phone started to ring as she finished up her shift at the hospital and grabbed her car keys. She sighed and let her head sag and her eyes fall shut. She wouldn’t be surprised if it was Evan. As much as he hated talking on the phone, she wouldn’t put it past him to call after their fight yesterday.  She considered not answering it; if she talked to Evan right now, she’d probably make everything worse. The phone kept ringing. She sighed and pulled it out of her purse to check that it wasn’t someone else. If she missed a call from the college, she’d be in even deeper shit than she already was.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Incoming call from Jared Kleinman</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Heidi stared at her phone in surprise for a moment before answering. “Jared, honey?” she asked hesitantly. “Are you alright?” For a moment there was no reply and Heidi wondered if Jared had called her by accident. Then she heard a sniff, followed by shaky breathing and a soft sob. Jared gasped for breath through what sounded like tears on the other end of the line. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heidi jumped in her car and turned on the engine, putting Jared on speaker on her leg. “Jared, where are you? Are you somewhere safe?” She asked, rapid-fire as she pulled out of the parking lot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah,” Jared stuttered. “I’m okay.” He sniffed quietly a few times before Heidi heard him blow his nose. “I’m on a bench outside school. I couldn’t get on the bus crying so I stayed after and now it’s late and I didn’t know who else to call. I would have gone to your house after school, but I-” he cut himself off with a sharp intake of breath. “I was scared I’d see Evan,” he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jared,” Heidi murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’s he so stupid, Heidi?” Jared’s voice cracked. “Why does he never see what you want him to see and still manage to dig out all the things you’re trying to hide?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heidi hesitated. “Can I ask you what happened?” she asked. “Evan and I fought last night and we haven’t talked today. He told me he’d been spending time at your house when he was actually spending all his evenings with the Murphy family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jared scoffed. “You should have known he was lying. Evan doesn’t spend time with me unless he has to. We’ve barely talked since school started.” He fell silent. “How much did he tell you about the Murphy’s?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing,” Heidi replied coldly. “Just that they gave him things that I couldn’t and they liked him more than me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, he’s a fucking liar,” Jared said. “You’re an amazing mom. Anybody’d be lucky to be your son.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heidi smiled. “Thank you, Jared, but you’re avoiding telling me what happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-” Jared paused. “I can’t,” he confessed. “We fought about something that Evan has to be the one to tell you about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heidi grit her teeth. Evan had been hiding far too much recently. “Can you talk to me about any of it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He implied that I never really liked him and said that I only hung out with him because I had no friends and was desperate. I told him that if he really felt that way then he could go ahead and cut me loose. He said I could tell people whatever I wanted because it would hurt me more than him and that was all that mattered. I called him an asshole and left.” There was a thump and then a shuffling sound as Heidi was pretty sure Jared had thrown his phone and then gone to get it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heidi sighed. She’d done that a lot lately. “I’ll be home in fifteen minutes. Do you want me to take you home?” she offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a long pause before Jared responded. “My parents aren’t home. I don’t- I don't want to be alone.” Heidi drove in silence for a few minutes. “Heidi, I-” Jared cut himself off. “Never mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Say it, Jared,” Heidi said softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I go home to an empty house, I think I might hurt myself,” he said in a monotone voice, like if his voice didn’t shake it wasn’t real. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m five minutes away,” Heid said firmly. She was not going to lose either one of her boys and she was definitely not going to lose both. “I’ll pick you up and you’ll sleep in your bedroom at my house, okay? I will talk to Evan, you can go in and go straight to bed and I’ll bring you something to eat and check on you after I talk to him. You are going to be safe, Jared.” Her voice broke and tears rolled down her face. “Don’t you dare take my boy away from me. You are as much my son as Evan is and I am not going to lose you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you, Heidi,” Jared breathed. “Please come get me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>~</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heidi pulled into the school parking lot and saw Jared before she stopped the car. She threw her door open and ran over to him. He heard her and looked up, the relief evident in his eyes. She opened her arms as he stood up and hugged him like she would never let go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a moment he pulled away. “I’m okay, Heidi, really.” He grinned at her, his smile ruined by his red eyes and the tear tracks on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one is allowed to hurt my kids,” Heidi declared. “Especially not my kids. She fixed him with a hard look. “That means I’m going to talk to Evan about hurting you and you are not allowed to hurt yourself, is that clear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jared smiled without hesitation. “Crystal, Ms. Hansen.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heidi snorted and gave him a push. “Get in the car, mister.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>~</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They didn’t talk on the way home, but when Jared got out of the car, his hands were shaking. He shoved them in his pockets so Heidi wouldn’t see. She got out and walked around the car. She squeezed his shoulder and he breathed a little easier. When they opened the door, Evan was sitting on the couch. He turned at the sound of the door opening. Jared’s eyes went wide as Evan saw him and he bolted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ran past Evan and down the short hallway to the spare bedroom that had been his since he and Evan stopped being small enough to fit into the same bed. He threw himself onto the mattress and forced himself to breathe slower. He pulled out his phone and sent Heidi and Evan a text. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m fine. Don’t worry. Talk to each other. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He moved to turn off his phone but decided to send one more text to them. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Evan, I didn’t say anything. This is all on you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He dropped back on the bed and fell asleep within minutes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>~</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jared checked his phone when he woke up. An empty screen flashed the time at him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>11:36</span>
  </em>
  <span>. His stomach growled. He’d skipped lunch after running away from Evan and had only eaten a banana that morning. He dragged himself out of bed to see if he could find something to eat. When he reached the living room he froze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Evan and Heidi were asleep on the couch. They must have fallen asleep holding each other after they’d talked. Jared tried to feel resentful, that once again Evan had come up on top and Jared was left alone to run after him like a lost puppy, but he just felt tired. He walked over and stood in front of the couch, looking down at them, watching Evan shiver. Eventually, he gave in. He sighed and pulled a blanket over them. Evan stilled. Jared didn’t move. He just watched them breathe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Evan’s eyes twitched and he slowly blinked them open. “J-Jared?” he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jared’s throat caught. “Go back to sleep, Evan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jared?” Evan asked again, a little stronger. “I need to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh,” Jared cut him off. “Get some sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Evan settled back down. “M’sorry,” he murmured as his breathing evened out again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jared looked at him for a long moment and sighed. “I know you are.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jared grabbed some cereal out of the cupboard and milk out of the fridge and quietly poured himself a bowl. He pulled out his phone as he ate. There was only one notification.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Alana Beck</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck Evan Hansen</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jared stated at the text before opening his phone. He opened his sparse chat history with Alana. She’d texted him less than an hour ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What did Evan do to you?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She responded almost instantly. She must have already been on her phone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s an asshole. The whole Connor Project’s probably a lie and he just decided to string us along for his five seconds of fame.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Actually it was to get in Zoe Murphy’s pants</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jared Kleinman.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Are you telling me that you knew it was all a lie and were just helping string me along too?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Because if you are, then fuck you. You’re an asshole too.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alana</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We weren’t trying to string you along.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If you remember correctly, we didn’t ask you to be involved in the first place.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So really, it’s your own fault for being so gullible</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I hate you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Welcome to the fucking club</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I thought we were friends. Maybe that doesn’t mean anything to you, but it meant a lot to me. I don’t have a lot of people I consider friends. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry you were wrong</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You know, one day you’re going to realize that you’ve pushed everyone away and the reason you have no friends is because no one can stand to be around you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t think it counts as a prediction if I already know</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Did you already know that I trusted you? Did you already know that you were the first person I told my parents was my friend since 6th grade? Did you already know that the reason I don’t make friends with anybody is because nobody ever actually pretends to listen when I talk anymore? Did you already know you were the first person to make me feel like someone wanted me around since middle school? Did you already know all that, Jared? Did you?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry I lied to you about the Connor Project.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t have a lot of friends either. It’s hard to recognize when someone is.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span> And I have no fucking clue what to do when we get to that point.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I accept your apology. Sorry for taking out my anger on you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t worry about it. I was doing the same thing. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m mad at Evan but I can’t be mad at Evan.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why can’t you be mad at Evan?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Because I can’t stop forgiving him for everything. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Also I’m at his house because my mom’s out of town and Heidi was the only person I could think of to call</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s curled up on the couch with Heidi and it’s adorable.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You could stay at my house for a few nights if you need to.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thanks.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span> I might take you up on that if Evan is significantly less agreeable when he wakes up</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warnings: Jared mentions that he thinks he might hurt himself. It does not actually happen and it does not get graphic or specific, but if this could trigger you in any way please be safe. <br/>And that's all she wrote<br/>I'm half joking. This really is all I have on this particular story, but I could be convinced to write more if there's any interest. I think I had a vague plan at some point, but I got into other things and forgot about it. Let me know if you'd be interested in seeing more or have any ideas about where this could go!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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